VIBRATOR BOYFRIEND - Girl picks up a real sensitive and sweet Vibrator, but it was too good to be true.

CHEATING GIRLFRIEND - Hi baby. How are you? Wait, who’s that half-naked guy that just came out of your bathroom???

AWESOME GYMNASTICS TUMBLING - Not funny but pretty cool to watch some of the best gymnastics tumbling events. Think I feel giddy just watching them.

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free.
Here’s an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage,
WHY? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get
a little sausage.

Men are like….
1. Men are like Laxatives . They irritate the crap out of you.
2 Men are like. Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you’re not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars .. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
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A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labour pain to the father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.

She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch.

The perfect day according to:

HER
***
8:45 wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 Pounds lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at Outdoor Cafe’
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into Boyfriend’s/Husband’s ex - notice she’s
gained 30 lbs.
3:00 Manicure, Facial, Massage, Nap.
7:30 Candlelight dinner for 2 and dancing.
10:00 Make Slow, sweet, romantic love.
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms.

HIM
***
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“Emily, I don’t know what to do,” Gloria said to her friend at work. “That good-looking Bill in accounting asked me out for Saturday night. Should I go?”
“Oh, my God, “her friend exclaimed. “He’ll wine you, dine you and then use any ruse to get you to his apartment. Then he’ll rip off your dress and you’ll have fantastic sex.”
“Well, what should I do?” she asked. “Wear an Old dress.”

A guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of commitment that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

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Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me. The other day, as usual, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching TV. I hadn’t gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help.

When I got home, I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear, high-heel shoes and wearing my make-up.

I’m 32, he’s 34 and we’ve been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn’t find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make-up,he broke down and admitted that he’d been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I’d leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and says he’s been feeling depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he’s become increasingly distant. I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Sheila

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Dear Sheila,

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