I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words “I do.”

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT!!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear…”You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, Read the full story »

There were these friends who played golf together every Saturday. One Saturday they were getting ready to tee off when a guy, by himself, asked if he could join them. The friends looked at each other and then looked at the guy and said, “Sure.”

So they teed off. About two holes into the game, the friends got curious about what the guy did for a living. So they asked him. The stranger told them he was a hitman. The friends all laughed.

The guy said, “No really, I’m a hitman. My gun is in my golf bag. I carry it everywhere. You can take a look at it if you’d like.”

So one of the friends decided to check it out. He opened the bag and, sure enough, there was a rifle with a huge scope attached it. He got all excited and said, “WOW! I bet I can see my house through here! May I look?”

The hit man replied, “Sure.”

So the guy looked for a second and said, “YEAH! I can see my house! I can even see through the windows into my bedroom. There’s my wife, naked. Isn’t she beautiful? WAIT! There’s my next-door neighbor! And he’s naked too!”
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An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court of a small, remote village. During the proceedings, custody of the children was the big problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into the world, she should be the one to retain custody of them.

The old mountaineer was also seeking custody of the children. The judge asked for his side of the story.

After a lengthy silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and said, “Judge, when I put a dollar into a coke machine and a coke comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?”

I am certainly not against marriage but there are just too many hilarious comics on marriage not to share with everyone here. Most of them are probably based on true experience unfortunately but marriage is still a good thing!

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Everything that is funny about marriage can be found here.

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Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!”

His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife’s ass and say, ‘How about a blowjob?’ … and she’s always sound asleep.”