“It takes a long time to understand nothing.” Edward Dahlberg

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1) Life isn’t like a box of chocolates, it’s more like a jar of jalapeños — you never know what’s going to burn your ass.

2) I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

3) Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.

4) Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing them again.

5) I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

6) Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

7) My reality check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

9) I don’t suffer from stress. I am a carrier !

10) You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

11) Everyone is someone else’s weirdo.

12) Never argue with an idiot.. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

13) Be careful . . .a pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

14) Don’t be irreplaceable - if you can’t be replaced, you won’t be promoted.

15) The more Sh*t you put up with, the more Sh*t you are going to get.

16) You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

17) So this isn’t Home Sweet Home . . . Adjust!

18) Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!

19) I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

20) Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

21) I’d live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump.

22) Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without a boner, make him a sandwich!

23) What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it!

24) How can you tell which bottle contains her PMS medicine? It’s the one with bite marks on the cap!

Very sexy and nicely shot advertising campaign for underwear.

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It is now no longer cool enough just to have a normal tattoo on your body. It is time to go 3-Dimensional! Check out some of these works of art on these peoples’ bodies.

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I’m not a big fan of green. But I think I can make an exception in this case.

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I HATE NATURE 2 - Another funny clip with David Attenborough, the self-proclaimed nature hater.

OUCH CHEERLEADER ACCIDENTS - Sure they look real cute and sexy in those outfits, but no one really likes to watch when these accidents happen.

CAT SMASHES INTO MIRROR - Ready, set, oommmphh!

Some guys just love their PC’s. Just some of the more wacky and radical PC casing designs that I’ve seen. Careful, we are entering Geek Territory.

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The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu.”

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels, two by two
Destination Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
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No game is complete without the desperate attemps of wardens trying hard to tackle some naked guy (or girl if you are really really lucky!).

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‘Sex Sells’ and Christ AG Wash Systems sure believes in this statement as can be seen from one of their calendars featuring hot chicks washing cars . Boy will people be disappointed when no bikini-clad foxy lady shows up to wash their cars but replaced by a dirty, greasy man instead.

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Depending on someone is like needing a parachute. If he/she isn’t there the first time you needing him, chances are you won’t be needing him again.

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This just goes to show that pictures taken out of context can be really… funny.

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