A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed “Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.” The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked “Mommy, why did they bury two men there?”

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A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea. The doctor asked, “Do you enjoy it?” She said that she did. He asked, “Does it hurt you?” She said that it didn’t. The doctor then told her, “Well, then, there’s no reason that you shouldn’t practice anal sex, if that’s what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.” The woman was mystified. She asked “You can get
pregnant from anal sex?” The doctor replied, “Of course. Where do you think attorneys come from?”

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An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when Satan appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, “I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all your
friends and law partners.” The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, “So, what’s the catch?”

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A young woman wrote to an agony aunt: I have a dilemma. I am about to get married, but I haven’t been totally honest with my fiance. My mother is a well-known madam, my father is a convict, and my brother is a lawyer. My sister sells heroin to the children at the school down the
street. She started doing that after my father got sent to prison for molesting her. I also have a problem; I’m wanted in three countries for fraud. Taking all that into consideration, this is my question: how do I tell my fiance’ about my brother the lawyer?

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A man asked a lawyer his fee, and was told it was ú50.00 for three questions. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” he asked. “Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”

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Did you hear about the lawyer who stepped in cow dung, and thought he was melting?