Me: “Thank you for calling [eye doctor’s office], how can I help you?”

Lady: “Hello, I want to check on the status of my glasses.”

Me: “Okay, what is your full name?”

Lady: “Lori Johnson, spelled L-O-R-I.”

Me: “Okay, hold please.”

(I check the computer for Lori Johnson and it doesn’t come up. I then check alternative spellings things like Laurie, Lory, Lauri, etc. All to no avail.)

Me: “I’m sorry Miss, would you mind giving me your date of birth?”

Lady: “12-21-1969.”

(I do a search for that date of birth and one name comes up. Lori Smith.)

Me: “Would you by chance be listed under any other name?”

Lady: “NO!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll try searching by address.”

(She gives me her address and sure enough, it matches Lori Smith.)

Me: “I seem to have you listed in our computer as ‘Lori Smith’.”

Lady: “That’s not me.”

Me: “Well the date of birth matches, as does the address. Would you like me to search by social security number?”

Lady: “That’s not my name. I got married and my last name is Johnson now!”

Me: “Oh I’m sorry, your insurance still has you listed as Smith so that’s how we got mixed up. You’ll probably want to call them.”

Lady: “That’s no excuse.”

Me: “I’m sorry. But there was no way for us to know you got married.”

Lady: “It was in the newspaper!”

Me: “Okaaaaaay.”